Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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