I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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