dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
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I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
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She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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