Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize