Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize