You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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