she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
