WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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