a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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