I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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