Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
