So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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