i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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