I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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