i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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