Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
