dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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