tell your sister to shave her snatch
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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