Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
