just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
