so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
