i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
