I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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