i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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