oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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