we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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