at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
