Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Boobs are out for the taking
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
