I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
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Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
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My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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