Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
