I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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