I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
