u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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