hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
