One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
