You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
