Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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