I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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