boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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