you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
