your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
