I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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