Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This baby is an asshole
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
