Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
