butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
