This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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