You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
