You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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