I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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