Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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