around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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