Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
