Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
