she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
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