we made out on top of his cat.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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