Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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