Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
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I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
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I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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