I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
