In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
